Chapter 1: Tatsumi Seiichirou: Iris
And I’d give up forever to touch you
’Cause I know that you feel me somehow
“They’re good for each other.” That was what I told myself whenever I stayed in the office long after everyone has gone. This was what I had wanted, for him to be happy. Above everyone else... I prayed for him to be happy.
I was right. An empath who would be able to reach him, heal him, someone whom he would be able to love, the way I couldn't let him…
I gave up my forever so that he could find the one who would truly be his match and be able to spend forever with, whomever he chose. He’ll never know how much I had to give up just to see him smile. He’ll never know the reason why I had to cut him away from me. It hurt me to see him hurt when I did that, but I couldn’t take it. He hurt me and the only way that I could stop hurting is to make him stop hurting. If making him happy meant hurting him first and then help him find what he really needed, then so be it. Because I knew, I was not what he needed.
I just hoped that even if he didn’t know how I manipulated everything he would feel the results. Like gossamer strands brushing at his senses, that was all he would ever know.
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t wanna go home right now
Kurosaki-kun was with him now. In the darkness where nightmares played, he found comfort in his touch. Kurosaki-kun will not let him down. He can depend on him, he went in through the fire just to reach him after all.
I was right. He was the one who would make Tsuzuki-san happy. Kurosaki-kun was strong enough to rise above his pain to reach through his. I was willing to let him die. Kurosaki-kun was willing to die to save him. He deserved a protector like that, someone who can be there when he was down and not follow him in his path to sadness.
They were wrong when they said I was cold hearted to think that his death was the solution to his pain. The choices that I made was all for him. It’s true. There was more courage to live with the pain and to survive. But what if the pain was too great?
What was courage in such a case? At that point it becomes only a badge to flaunt to others on your supposed strength. Those around the person will be happy to have such an example of such an incredible person. Was such a thing worth it? In death there was no more pain. They say in taking your life you were being selfish and will just hurt the ones who care for you. True, but they were also the ones who were being selfish. They care not that you are no longer in pain.
They did not wish for him to die. I have no wish for him to die. But I would rather have him dead and no longer hurting than alive slowly dying. However, that was moot point now.
I know right now almost everyone of them passed by there lending him strength after everything that happened. He’ll never know how much I wanted to be there too but I could no longer bring myself to step out to take that short walk to the healers. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to go home, not when I knew that nightmares still plagued him whenever he closed his eyes. Funny, I was leaving him to his nightmares to save him from another.
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
It was past midnight and almost everyone has gone home, except for Kurosaki-kun. There he lies in the bed beside Tsuzuki-san’s, ready to wake him if another nightmare came. Sleep has claimed him for the moment.
I did not go near him. I had no wish to wake either one of them. I wanted to have a moment to remember him, to keep forever locked inside. He was lost to me, forever, and every step away was a conscious decision of mine.
He said to me, on one of my visits, that he understood that I cared for him… Deep inside I wondered if it was a mistake to have permitted this attachment he felt to come into being. Now, I was about to hurt him again…
I sent my shadow to wipe the sweat off his brow and he moved against my ‘hand’. He was so beautiful but my time was short and I needed to leave soon.
And sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t wanna miss you tonight
I lifted the coverlet to his chin and left the single gift that I kept from our time together so long ago. A simple ceramic cup. I filled it with honey milk. I knew he loved it. I would not need the cup where I was going.
Where I have been avoiding him all this time, the urge to see him one last time was stronger than my vow to never go near him again. One last time before everything was taken away.
And I don’t want the world to see me
’Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I leave the office and made my way to the Sakura trees near the office. This was my haven. This was where I could show my weakness and hide away from the world.
Many shinigami fear me, even those more powerful in summoning and casting spells. Though to be honest most shinigami are more powerful in summoning as my powers are unconventional to say the least. With most, I heard it was because of my ‘cold ruthless nature’, my ‘severity’. Many of the shinigami who were my peers have already ‘retired’ or have taken a desk job, no longer involved with actual cases, though Tsuzuki-san and Kachou are both my seniors that never seemed to change the fact. Maybe it was because I saw my work differently. Maybe that was why it was easier for me to do this job than Tsuzuki. Yes, I end life, I bring back those spirits who were due to be back, but that was only one end of it. I have stayed here long enough to also see those same spirits sent back to be reborn. I cannot explain that to Tsuzuki. Only when one asks will that information be given to them by Kachou. I was just more curious than most. I could never explain to anyone and they fear me because they do not understand me. I did not feel the burden as acutely as everyone else.
There he stands. Konoe. My Chief. He knows, not all, but enough to understand. He was here not to stop me, but to lead me to my next destination.
“Good evening. DiaOh sama awaits.”
I nodded in reply. I had nothing to say. I have served under him long enough to know I was not the first, nor would I be the last shinigami that he will lead this way. I almost laugh whenever the rumor mill would start again that I was the real head of the division. Konoe was Kachou and I would never think of usurping him, not if I still wished to live comfortably.
This was the last job that the head of this particular division must do. He was the one who would bring the spirit of his shinigami’s before Enma DaiOh. Rare though this may be it was not unheard of.
We walked slowly and with every step I made we shifted from one plane to another. By the time I had taken my sixth step we were before a small door in the middle of an open field. If we were not looking for it we would have missed it.
"I will ask you for the last time. The moment you step in this doors, there will be no turning back. You will be subject to Enma DaiOh’s judgment.” Konoe stated, giving this decision the weight that accorded it. “Do you wish to continue and face the judgment of Enma DaiOh?”
“Yes.”
He opened the door and I walked inside, alone. I heard, more than saw, him close the door, and I was alone in the judgment hall, the throne room of Enma Daioh.
And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you’re alive
The judgment of Enma DaiOh was swift and final. I stood before a window watching Meifu come alive with the rising of the sun. I was waiting for my turn. I had thought I would stay for a while as a spirit but it seemed like I was due to have a second chance in life. But not a free life like with other souls. I was to be reborn but I was still to be a servant of the god of death. No spirit remembers the interim between lives but I would. Not the memory of Tatsumi though. I would not remember this life but I will remember my purpose of being reborn. They needed someone who would be strong enough to live with blood tainting his hands. The candidates that they nominated were me and Tsuzuki-san. It was either Tsuzuki-san or me. I knew the moment that Kachou brought up the subject that I could not let it happen. I could not let them force him to kill, at least not like the way they intended.
There really was no option. My next life has already been planned. I would be born into a family that was to be destroyed by my surrogate family with the blood of my brothers most likely tainting my hands. I would be brought up as an assassin so that I would be able to stop any chance of a demon feared to destroy spirits from ever being awoken. I would be beyond anyone’s reach by the time my friends found out, if ever they do wonder what happened.
A knock on the door and I turn to see someone beckon to me.
It was time….
Disclaimer
No shinigami was hurt during the creation of this fanfiction. I do not own the characters in either worlds. Weiβ Kreuz was created by Koyasu Takehito and Yami no Matsuei was created by Yoko Matsushita The characters and associated materials of these works are used WITHOUT permission. I'm not getting any money out of this. The song Iris was sung by Goo Goo Dolls. Original portion of the fiction included here is considered to be the sole property and copyrighted to the author.